A year ago today, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life.
I love kids. I love teaching them the valuable skills they need to know in order to live a fulfilling life. The problem is, I don't know what a fulfilling life for me looks like anymore.
I got burned out on the teaching path. I worked in childcare for three years and in doing so, I found out an important fact about myself: my bandwidth in terms of children maxes out at two at a time. A classroom full of kids is not my ideal workplace.
So, career-wise, I'm back to square one.
I've always been a dreamer. Ideally, I'd like to be an internet celebrity or a professional full-time author. But those things just aren't practical. Because I was always told by media and by society that I should follow my dreams, no matter how improbable or unlikely, I never thought to explore my options. I've never once gone to a career fair. I never met with a counselor about my professional future. And now I'm stuck trying to think practically about what I could do, rather than what I want to do.
I don't have the mind for school. I'm not stupid, I know I have the capability to do whatever I put my mind to, it's just the actual putting of my mind to it that trips me up. I have a little tiny voice inside me that's petulant and unyielding, telling me, "I don't wanna!" to everything. And it's especially strong when it comes to school. If anything is too easy or otherwise inconvenient, that little voice speaks up. I don't do important assignments. I miss deadlines. And I don't know how to make it shut up.
I believe I've found a workaround, however. Several accredited universities offer coding bootcamps, programs that last 3-6 months and are about as straightforward as they come. I have experience with HTML and a little bit of CSS, so I feel like I have a good background for becoming a web developer. It's a respectable career that doesn't seem to be going anywhere with the way the world is going. Tech is a major industry. That's something I could do.
But do I want to do it?
Eh. Sure.
I got a job in healthcare after I decided I couldn't handle the children anymore. I'm now working graveyard shifts assisting adults with developmental disabilities. It's better than childcare in some ways, but still not what's in my heart. I've learned a lot, and I respect the people in my current field. But I just can't do it forever.
I know it's what I don't want to do. That's kind of the only thing that's driving me right now.
There's plenty to look forward to in my life otherwise, though. Tyler is going to propose soon, I'm sure of it. I've been looking at wedding venues and setting up a budget and a registry and a wedding website. This man keeps me going. He encourages me to do what I want to do, but also keeps me on the ground, thinking realistically.
Capitalism can take away everything, but it can't take away my dreams.
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