I made this blog to let out the thoughts and feelings that are too loud to silence. It’s an outlet for my racing mind, for when it gets to be racing, which is rare nowadays, thankfully. But, as it is now, it’s 2:47 AM as I’m writing this and, well… my thoughts are racing.
I’m getting ready to break up with my girlfriend of two months. Not a long time, but honestly it’s the longest relationship I’ve ever had and the thought of doing so is incredibly difficult. I like her. I like hanging out with her. We have a ton in common. I just don’t feel a spark where she deserves a whole-ass bonfire. I want her to be happy and fulfilled, which is why I need to let her go, so she can find somebody who loves her the way she deserves to be loved.
I think about the one that got away a lot (again, something my current girlfriend doesn’t deserve). We went on one date. He was good at holding a conversation where I was bad at it, and we had things in common but not everything, which left room for learning, which was nice. He was cordial, polite, responsible, holy shit a catch. And we just… stopped talking.
I think about what could have been with him a lot. A lot more than I probably should, more than is probably appropriate. I feel like we really could have been something if I had just been better at talking. I keep hoping and praying that he’ll text me again and want to sweep me off my feet. I wonder sometimes if I should text him first, but I’m sure he’s found somebody by now and that kind of behavior would be decidedly uncool. I don’t want to be that person.
I think I might be cursed to be single for the rest of my life.